Donwannas

Right now, there is a kitten on my desk. She is sleeping sprawled between my keyboard and my monitor, and I’m pretty envious, because I have the donwannas. You know those, right? When you think okay, I really ought to get up and and then you think but I donwanna!

Here, for example, is an incomplete list of things I donwanna do right now:
*Donwanna figure out what to cook with my miscellaneous farmshare foods
*Donwanna even walk up the stairs to the kitchen
*Donwanna read anything longer than a couple of pages
*Donwanna work on my new workshop material

Some donwannas are about specific fears: do I have enough material for that new workshop, and by the way, who do I think I am, teaching people stuff? Others are more generalized, and are one of the ways we put up giant signs for ourselves: SLOW DOWN. Of course, we’re trained — by everything from our schools to our own ambitions — to respond to donwannas by saying but you must!.

When we do this — and I’m pretty sure we all do, sometimes — we’re surrendering to disconnection. We’re sending some part of ourselves, a part that is sad or tired or frightened, the message sorry, buck up. And while there are some things we really do have to do, it can help soften things just to start by considering whether this is one of them. Could you skip it? Could you do it another way? Would it be more effective to spend time taking care of yourself now so that you could do That Thing (TM) willingly another time?

We don’t have to know all of these answers, just a willingness to ask the questions, to start to signal to ourselves that we’re listening and that we care, and that wherever we are, right now, is where we are and therefore pretty much automatically okay.

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